i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
