he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
