I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
