"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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