I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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