Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize