Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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