Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
