those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
