She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think your dad took our porno
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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