Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
