..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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