I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
