allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
