Jerry, you need to find god
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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