I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
