I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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