just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
