so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
