i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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