I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
