are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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