thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
