How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
