you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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