Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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