I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
