I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
