i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
