Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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