You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
