Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I came so hard my ears popped.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
