I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
