she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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