Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
