So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
