No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
