Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
