just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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