Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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