A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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