I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize