nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
