i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
