This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
