piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
only if we run a train.
done.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
