Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
