She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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