you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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