I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
