I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
