I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
