I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Randomize