dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm like, not good at living.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
