omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
being pregnant is like rehab
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
