Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
