Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
