All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's shark week go big or go home
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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