I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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