she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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