i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
