Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
