PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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