I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
