So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
