I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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