I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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