this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
