Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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