there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
