Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
