he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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