I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
